Something I learned early on in my marriage to Alpha Hubby (and applies to almost all couples) is that we had to learn one another.
He had to learn how to be my husband, learn what turned me
on, learn what melted me, and learned what triggered an apocalyptic meltdown in the house.
We had to learn what created the right romantic atmosphere and how to accomplish that for one another.
Of course we both have separate things that do that – and it is important to learn what each considers romance. Him changing my oil or adding Freon feels protective-good but that is not romance in my eyes. In his eyes, yes. It is. He is showing me he loves me. Trying to get him to understand the difference between knowing he loves me and romancing me has been a Alpha-sized chore, for sure.
Obviously, I had the same things to learn about him. All the love notes in the world will make him smile but he’d rather have a rendezvous set up just for him. He LIKES rendezvous. Very much so. He wants full out makeup, sexy clothing (not necessarily nighties) and stockings with heels. Then again, he’s not picky – I’m not sure he sees much past the heels and makeup.
Not everything works for every one. Those “How to Seduce Him in 30 Seconds” magazine articles are good for ideas but those are not more important than sitting down and *gasp* talking to one another. Ask very specific questions. People are like children in the sense that you should not ask “yes-no” questions.
You ask a child, wanting details, “Did you have a good day at school today?” He will answer, “Yes” and go on his merry way. Or “What did you learn at school today?” Answer: “Nothing” – ugh.
Details. Be specific: “What did you think about the new room mascot, Rudy the Rat?” “Oh, mom! He was so cool and I got to hold him.” See? Details.
So saying, “Do you like romantic gestures” gets the Alpha Grunt, “Sure” and is a waste of time. Specifics are necessary. And help them with the answers, too.
“Alpha Hubby, what do you want me to do to turn you on, make the bedroom/living room/kitchen floor-counter-wall experience better for you? HOW can I make your love life better?”
Then PAY ATTENTION to his answers, jot them down so you don’t forget, and plan your seduction around that.
MORE importantly? Do this often. People change, new ideas pop up, and in order to keep it fresh and alive, your love life will need fuel on the embers. Never assume. Always ask, and often.
And never, ever, ever underestimate the power of touch. Touch is a Language that often speaks louder than words. Touch can say “You are safe with me” or “You can trust me with your heart.” The Language of Touch is especially important in a sexual relationship… that silky slide across the skin leaving warm tingles behind.
There may only be that one FIRST touch, where fingers bump, glide toward one another and clasp together in nervous excitement, but the touch that becomes familiar is warm like oozing honey, slowly running over your body. Yes, the sexual relationship needs touch.
Touch one another often. Rub his jaw, a hand up his thigh, touch his back. Run a light rub down his arm, specially in public. Constantly be aware of one another; touch helps with this.
And men? Two things. Touch without hidden motives. Don’t make her think that your touch is only for sex. Touch may lead to sex but trust me. It is those touches outside the bedroom – those non-foreplay touches – that will get you there faster than playing Russian Hands and Roman Fingers. If she thinks you only touch her for one purpose, it will diminish your relationship, just a bit.
Most of us women need that unexpected touch – the palm to the cheek, the touch on the hair, the rub down the arm, the pat on the bootie for no reason as you walk by. It makes us feel precious to you. (And ladies? Touch goes both ways. Men don’t necessarily want to feel precious to you when you touch – they want to know that you WANT them, desire them, need them. Yes, THAT way. Remember how to make them feel like The Sex Meister*?)
Secondly men, taking her hand while you’re walking about (or sitting around) is one of the most important things you can do. There is nothing that makes a woman feel more cherished, special, giddy (oh shut up ladies, you know you love it) than for you to reach down and grab her fingers, and hold on. Hold on like she is THE most precious thing to you. Especially at a party where Ms. Sally Office Skank is strutting her stuff around flirting with the men… HOLD ON to her hand so she knows you know Ms. SOS ain’t all that!
Touching hands is important. Hands are probably THE most important…
OH, OKAY – FEET. Feet are important, too.
Just touch already!!
*meister – denoting a person regarded as skilled or prominent in a specified area of activity Heh heh heh